I Remember

Long have I yearned to be there for someone, to have someone be there for me. I would have given anything to feel love, so , I gave away pieces of my heart… my very being.

As long as I could feel that love, I was willing to sacrifice anything,

Dignity
Empathy
Attention
Truth
Health

But now I see my own hedonism – this cycle of desire that drains my spirit and destroys my ability to love.

In my constant pursuit of pleasure, I turned to vices: smoking, drinking, women, entertainment– constantly distracting from the toxic ways that I relate to myself. These vices were my escape from self-disdain, but each good feeling stained the mirror in my heart.

I want more than just a good feeling. I want my cup of love to overflow. I’m tired of being distracted. I want to see myself and the love I was so willing to give away. I can no longer escape that I am worthy of love.

I used to think the universe gave me this love to share with the world, but now I realize it is for me to experience and nurture. Not for the sake of others, but so that I can truly live.

My Love is Mine

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