I blame myself for everything
I have been doing a lot of real self-reflection and a part of it was reading my old writing and I realized there is a bunch of internalized things that I have grown out of believing.
I used to blame myself for:
Not hearing/feeling the presence of God
Not being loved by the people I was romantically interested in
Being gas lighted by my friends and siblings
For having a negative view of myself
The things that people have said about me
For all of the shame that I’ve felt over the years
For the hole in my chest.
Now I realize that all of these things are not entirely my fault. Although, I do claim somewhere between 0.000001% and 99.999999% of the fault, I also claim 100% of the responsibility of processing and understanding these things; I am working through them and resolving them. I am growing and have grown past a fair bit of those things.
I am water
I am life
Changing and moving with other changing and moving things. Like a bountiful waterfall.