The Reason for my Heartache

I was wrong.

I did not make the right choice when I silenced myself. I did not make the right decision. When you told me of the emptiness that I had given to you– the apathy. I could have opened up and made myself raw, but I didn’t. I silenced myself. I’m angry because I didn’t even try to keep you. I felt defeated. I had no words except for those that were thrown away. I felt so alone, but I never completely let you in. I will not be silenced again.

but I will live with that. I don’t remember what you said, but I do remember the apathy and emptiness in the tone of your voice. I am sorry that I didn’t talk to you about where my heart was, the chains holding me down, and my insecurities.

Something happened right before I met you that shook my life to the core. I was not myself and I am only just now getting to a point where I can say that I am becoming more like myself again.

But there’s no going back and I don’t want to, but I have to say this and take responsibility for it. I will learn how to talk about my problems. I can’t have that pain again. I cannot give apathy and depression to someone and expect them not to give it to me back. I cannot see someone I saw a life with justifiably leave me. That is how I take responsibility.

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