My Constant

Sadness.

The only thing I can rely on. The only thing that has stayed the same throughout this tear soaked life. It makes me feel. It resonates with my inner being. Adding splashes of color in the desolate confines of my mind.

Blue and Grey.

Like an ocean in a storm. The waves are nauseating. swaying back and forth. The feeling is intoxicating. I am captivated by this feeling, like an addict to the  This is how I am made to be a slave. A slave to the storm; a slave to it.

Emptiness.

There is nothing in me. No light; only the motions. The waves keep me on track. The motions are the only thing that keeps me moving, so I keep swimming. Deeper and deeper. I keep hoping that I’ll be able to reach the bottom, but I can’t. I can’t even die. It is an endless cycle. Drowning in my own tears over and over again. Swimming down, over and over again. Waiting for a time where I can float to the top.

Lifeless.

As I lay there in a cemetery naked without a weapon, the zombies gouge my eyes out and rip off my tongue. The dirt clogs my ears. I can smell the faintest hints of gasoline before the anguish. I struggle to grab something; anything, anything that can help, but the smoke fills my lungs and there is no relief from the pain. I can’t even tell what I am holding, if anything. There’s nothing.

Left.

Right, it doesn’t seem to matter what I do.. no option is the correct one and no side has any Weight… Nothing matters… And that is the Empty truth of life.

We all have choices. Options. And the one with the net positive can logically be taken, but what do you do when your options are suffering and nothingness? what do you do when the same option, the same choice, keeps coming up? There is one thing I know for sure, and it does not require a choice. It is like a shadow, a reoccurring dream, or a movement in the peripheral. the origin is unknown, but it is.

Constant

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