To be and to want

How does it feel to be whole?

To be without the voices and the ache

To be without pain

To be without me

I feel like the poison. Sometimes I feel like my abilities were given to the wrong person. I feel like a parasite to my own life. Feeding off the goodness in my own life, but never doing what I should. Never being enough.

I can’t be sad right.

I can’t be happy right.

I can’t be right

It’s no one’s fault but my own. Do I not control my feelings? Do I not control the type of man I am?

Then how can I not feel me?

Let me go

Let me experience.

I’m not here

I’m not.

If I can’t experience then how do I know what I am?

If I can’t experience, then how can I even be?

I’m nothing

My experiences are nothing.

My life is nothing.

I wanna cry, but I can’t.

I wanna live, but I can’t

I wanna die, but I can’t

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