The pings of my heart echo throughout my exist. This longing influences my actions to the core. Everyday my heart pulls me along; always looking; always searching. When it finds something, when I find someone, I pour. I pour my affection into them the best I can, but it doesn’t work. My heart isn’t chosen. I’m not chosen. There is not fault or shame in not reciprocating feelings, but for me, shame and fault are my companions.
I feel inept, ignorant, and lost. I don’t know what to do next, but life moves on, and so will I, but I have before, and before, and before. I keep moving on to my next rejection. Each one impacting deeper than the last. Each time chipping away at my heart. The pain does not add; it multiplies. It amplifies the feelings already have about myself. It creates an emotional silo inside of my mind. I can’t leave myself, I cannot leave this prison of my own creation.