I feel that my actions are never earnest. That is to say, that I consistently do things that are not pure in motive, but used to make myself feel better. I am no different than a bully. I use my interaction with people to mask a great deal of the self-inflicted pain that I feel.
Although the masking of my emotions are often through actions that are seen as good, it is still for a selfish reason. This sucks put any “good” that I may be doing. It also explains the harsh words or attempts at manipulations that I catch myself doing. By doing good only to feel good I leave myself open to harming others; in these instances, my goal is not to help others, but myself; good devoid of care.