What have I become? I do nothing but cry and whine over myself. I have done more crying while writing here than I should have. Pity has stained my very existence. Ever since I was young, I believed that I should be the best friend to someone else’s story. Although that might be a beneficial philosophy to draw upon, the thought did not come only from a stand point of service, but one of self-pity. I put myself into what I thought was my place, before I knew who I was. I am arrogant to have decide my place in the world before I have experienced it.
Even now It is hard. I am walking a tight rope of acknowledgement, with despair and self pity under me. Until recently I think my self-examinations have been accompanied with a bias of degradation and self-pity, one feeding into the other. I had created a cyclical downward fall into myself. making my desires the thing that I told myself I could not have. I was and have been my own bully. Unable to trust the words in my own mind and the desires of my own heart.
But no longer shall I live like I hate myself. I am me and it is om to love myself and be unloved by others, that is not just something reserved for villains and people who cannot see clearly, but rather something that visionaries and wave makers have and know. If I want to want something I have to think it attainable. I know now that I can want whatever I want.
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