Finding a meaning for existing within my self is an impossible, but finding meaning in others is worthless. I have found meaning in God, but purpose escapes me. Life feels meaningless. It feels worthless. The things that I want are outside of my reach. I grasp in the dark for something to hold, but all I feel is nothingness. Absence is a dark feeling. It has driven this semester and my life. I am always trying to find meaning, but it is nowhere to be found. My life is meaningless. My death would carry meaning, but it would only mean sadness for those around me. I do not have any reason to live, but I have reasons not to die. I am stuck. I am being pressured by life and it hurts to live. I want to be selfish. I want to move from this life that I am stuck in, but I cannot. I cannot take what is not mine. Later, if I am all that is left, if I am all that is left, then I will be free of these heavy chains that have been binding me.