What I need cannot be attained

I keep trying to distract myself, but it hurts. the pain of this existence seems to be too heavy to bare. I tried so hard this week; to smile and to laugh. It only worked until I got home. It usually holds off until I am alone. When I am alone it grabs me, and bleeds me out. I cry and I scream, but I drown in my tears and my screams echo in my head.

Nothing is helping. I am running out of options. writing doesn’t help, talking doesn’t help, and praying doesn’t help. I am running out of options. I keep trying to mover forward; I keep getting up, but I have no where to run. I’m running out of options. I wan to scream. This emptiness is intense I need help. I need release. I need something. I need relief. I need something, but nothing works. Maybe the race is not worth running.

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