Peace, death, and rest

“Death often sounds like peace, but… “there is no other part to that. There is no “but”, no after statement, just death, just peace, just rest. I️ need that, rest. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt it. These feelings plague my nights, the insecurity permeates my day. I️ am unable to move forward. I️ want to stop. I️ am tired of faking it. I️ have yet to make it Resting sounds good. Peace sounds nice, but I️ cling to the hope that it is just a sound. I️ just told someone not to kill themselves; I️ said it gets easier. At the time I️ said it and it felt like the truth, but right now it feels like a lie. Right now I️ am tired of acting; I️ am tired of everything. But I️ have to act. I️ have to stay alive.

Some may ask why I️ feel like I️ shouldn’t give up. To be completely honest I️ don’t really know why. Life is pain, but it is also joy. I️ laugh with friends and smile. It is worth that joy, at least that what I’ll keep telling myself.

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