I️ have always had an addictive personality. I️t can be seen in every thing I’ve done and everything I️ do.
When I️ was young my desire was games, I️ couldn’t play all the time, but I️ felt fulfilled once I️ started playing; then came girls. I️ was intoxicated by them. Any one I found beautiful was worth the world. I️ lost myself in the people I loved. This wasn’t just for crushes, no, this extended into my friendships. I️ was lost in them. For about a year I️ wasn’t me, I️ was who my friends thought I️ was. My last intoxication lasted for two years; the poison was my friend who moved away. I️ became sober this year.
The void doesn’t discriminate. I️t loves I️t when I’m addicted. I️t doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a game. I️t loves I️t when I️ can’t think for myself. I️t loves when I️ create something that does its job. I️t loves when I’m the one creating the black hole. I️ can feel it now. The black hole mixed with my desires for intimacy is the breeding ground for obsession. I️ need something to feed this hole in me. I️ know that I️ wont be satisfied; I️ know that the hunger wont go away, but if I️ am hungry, how can I not eat.