I have been blessed, way more than I should have been. I have recently obtained a scholarship that will pay for most of my community college tuition and a part of my university tuition. I do not deserve this. I feel like I’ll ruin it. I feel like I go on another self-destructive swing and ruin it all. I am scared this is life changing. The decisions that I am going to make in the next 2 years will have a huge impact on my future. I need the Lord. My loneliness is distracting. I need to focus, but it hurts. even when I am happy it hurts. I do not know how to rid myself of it. I need the Lord to take it away. I cannot do it. All I can do is watch God take it away.

It aches Lord. I need you to fill this void. This is what I feel right now, this is my heart. Change what is wrong, fix what has been broken. Melt me. put in me a desire to want you. reform me to be like you. Lord if I am honest, I want to be loved. I want to love and pour myself into someone, but I cannot, there is no one around, but no person, no girl will fill my void, that is your job. please continue to show me that. Please continue to build me up in you, not my achievements, not in what I do, but in what I see you do. Help me Lord, I am a broken creature. And I need your peace.