It hurts that I’m not enough. It hurts that you’re so far. It hurts that you don’t care. It hurts that I never said anything. It hurts that you’re gone. I’m hurting because of nothing. I pity myself.

 I feel empty. I feel void. I never had anything there, but you made me forget. Now it’s all coming back. I feel the pain. I feel the despair. This was all in my head.

It’s insane that I could have fabricated memories of us, but I guess that’s what I am. It should be said that I am in pain, not because of someone doing something wrong to me, but because I did something wrong to myself. I gave my self hope and then I held back my hope. I hide myself. For that I am sorry. 

I don’t think you will read this, but if you see this know that I am sorry, but also that I really like you. I may have even loved you. I am so sorry. I never said anything. I tried dropping hints to see if you felt the same. That was childish of me. I failed. Because of that, I am sorry. I ruined everything. I messed everything up. In part because of my self deprecation, but mainly, because of my self pity.